It’s Not Always About You​

I don’t know about you all but my friendships have been pretty short-lived in recent years. They’ve become pretty comparable to revolving doors and it’s pushed me into a pretty closed off space. I am SO hesitant to let new people in because everybody seems to be fake and phony. Before anyone who knows me starts freaking out, I’m talking about close friends. Those friends that

you call as soon as something big (or small) happens in your life, the people who bring out the best in you and are always there when you need them to be. It used to be pretty easy to distinguish between the real and the fake but suddenly the lines have become blurred. All of my friendships start out amazing. Everybody is happy and then there’s a shift that takes place. I’m not exactly sure what causes this shift but there just comes a point in the friendship where we go from lifting one another up to just me lifting EVERYTHING. I mean literally carrying the other person through life because they somehow forgot how to walk & honestly, I carry them for a while (i.e. months).

Crazy right? I know but something in my mind tells me that what I’m doing is the Christian thing to do, or my friend needs my help, or they’ll pick themselves up soon. Yeah…they never pick themselves up until:

  • I miss that late night phone call or “urgent” text
  • I don’t go comfort them after their significant other has upset them for the 386,271st time
  • I stop feeding into the drama they want to pull me into
  • I stop coddling them and attending their pity parties
  • I just simply stop going  out of my way for them

THEN, all of a sudden they can stand on their own two feet and no, they don’t begin to walk with me…they walk away from me. I begin to ask myself, “How could this happen? I’ve done so much for them. When no one else was there, I was there. How can they just walk away? Did I mean nothing to them?”.

Hindsight is 20/20 so I looked back over the timeline of our friendship and things weren’t as amazing back then as they seemed. Back then she was always struggling and needed my help, but I realized that my friend wasn’t quite the victim she portrayed herself to be.

She was actually setting fires all over the place but had mastered the art of playing the victim. She was a PERP!

Of course, this angered me because I quickly realized that I had been used. Who likes to be taken advantage of? Who likes to have their kindness played for weakness? Definitely not I and I was ready to call ole girl out like,

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But I caught myself and remembered a quote I saw recently which stated:

“People aren’t against you. They’re for themselves.”

I was looking out for her while she was looking out for her too. She didn’t leave my life because I was a terrible friend but because she got everything she needed from me.

When people come into your life to use you and you stop providing them with what the want whether by choice or on purpose (ex: money, sympathy, attention, etc.), they will leave. They may also go and tell the world the friendship ended because of you BUT don’t take it personally. Pity is the #1 tool that users abuse so that they can quickly find their next group victim(s) that they call friends.

If and when this happens to you, just walk away. Don’t call ole girl out because you will just be adding more flame to her fire. All she really wants is your attention and you would be falling right into her trap. If you give it to her, who has really won? Be thankful that the person left your life and remember that Christ has a plan for you.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 [NLT])

Trust that it will work out for your good.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 [NIV])

Peace & Love,

JC

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